| General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice. |
Today, 11:29 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Member ?Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,849
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Be careful, that green grass may have been painted!While it may appear to you, as an outsider, that things are rosy - they are not always as they seem. This is something I've learned from actual experience. When I was a fitness instructor, there was another instructor where I was teaching that appeared to have a very loving marriage with an attentive husband. He would send her flowers to the gym during special occasions and when we all went out of town for fitness conventions he would call to make sure she made it ok and then talk to her each day. She would tell us he wanted to see if she was having fun and what she was doing, etc. He seemed to be the "perfect husband" and I was jealous. Fast forward to about 6 months later and I was shocked to hear that they were divorcing. Appears that "perfect husband" was a wolf in sheep's clothing. His flowers, attentiveness and phone calls were to keep tabs on her while he carried on an affair at their house, in their bed...she finally caught him and filed for divorce. She is now remarried, he is still playing the field. Now, I'm not saying that all attentive husbands are rotten behind their wives backs, my point is...things are not always as they seem. The grass can look really green but all you see is what someone allows you to see - things behind closed doors and in day-to-day life can be quite different. Learn to accept your marriage, as it is, if it works for you and your husband. Comparing your marriage to others, with only a glimpse of what their marriage is "really" like can lead you to feel that something is missing or disappointed, when your marriage is just fine, but different. My husband and I banter back and forth and to outside strangers it may seem as though we hate each other, but this is how we have always been with each other and it's how we love each other and we don't care what outsiders think.
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"Don't Find Fault - Find A Remedy" Henry Ford | 
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Today, 11:43 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Member ?Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 34
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Quote: | Be careful, that green grass may have been painted! While it may appear to you, as an outsider, that things are rosy - they are not always as they seem. This is something I've learned from actual experience. When I was a fitness instructor, there was another instructor where I was teaching that appeared to have a very loving marriage with an attentive husband. He would send her flowers to the gym during special occasions and when we all went out of town for fitness conventions he would call to make sure she made it ok and then talk to her each day. She would tell us he wanted to see if she was having fun and what she was doing, etc. He seemed to be the "perfect husband" and I was jealous. Fast forward to about 6 months later and I was shocked to hear that they were divorcing. Appears that "perfect husband" was a wolf in sheep's clothing. His flowers, attentiveness and phone calls were to keep tabs on her while he carried on an affair at their house, in their bed...she finally caught him and filed for divorce. She is now remarried, he is still playing the field. Now, I'm not saying that all attentive husbands are rotten behind their wives backs, my point is...things are not always as they seem. The grass can look really green but all you see is what someone allows you to see - things behind closed doors and in day-to-day life can be quite different. Learn to accept your marriage, as it is, if it works for you and your husband. Comparing your marriage to others, with only a glimpse of what their marriage is "really" like can lead you to feel that something is missing or disappointed, when your marriage is just fine, but different. My husband and I banter back and forth and to outside strangers it may seem as though we hate each other, but this is how we have always been with each other and it's how we love each other and we don't care what outsiders think. |
This is a good point and I have witnessed the same thing. I, too, have felt very jealous of those couples who just seem so happy and have that natural rapport all the time. Usually when I dig deeper into their relationship I end up seeing a whole lot of things that put it all into perspective and make me happy for what I have.Two of my very good friends have a marriage like you described where they are constantly PDA, saying nice things to each other, etc. But then I spent some time with the wife alone for a weekend and saw that intermixed with the nice gestures and compliments he was calling her 24/7 about every.single.thing - like what groceries to buy, how to lock the doors, how to do the laundry, what color of toothbrush to buy, like you cannot even.imagine. Turns out he is virtually incompetent at handling the simplest of tasks by himself and refuses to make decisions for himself, which she told me annoyed the sh!t out of her. The problem has only gotten worse over the last few years...right then I was thankful to have a very handy, self sufficient and capable husband that does not call me every five minutes.
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Today, 01:52 PM
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#15 (permalink)
| | Member ?Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: In Happiness
Posts: 923
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i agree with TG, AR, and lady frog.....it took us almost 20 years to get to where we are. it was hell.we have talked to annoying minute detail...grave details about..feelings, and attitudes, and...feelings...ugh.. we had so much resentment, and rejection, rug sweeping, built up over our relationship. like AR, if you see us, you would think aww, young love how sweet..but the road we have traveled..... we still wonder if its worth it..some days it is..others its up in the air..
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| Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/42353-feeling-jealous-over-other-people-who-have-great-relationships-their-spouse.html
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